My Inspiration is lost my mind is blank

Night,,, night,,, is with me right now, accompany me, cheer me, hug me tightly,  especially this night, night,,, will never let me in sadness
, will never let me in confused, will never let me cry, he will always be with me and try to answer me why today my inspiration is lost and my mind is blank???? Why,,,???
I can't find the answer from this question.
what  I'm sad??? am I in trouble???
I don't know why I feel like that???
If I'm sad,,, sad because of what???
If I'm in problem,,, I think I have no big problem.
but why I don't know what I feel right now, I really confused, I really feel so hard to dealing this day, this time, and I don't know when this moment will going on from me.
I can only wishing this moment  will quickly go away from me.


My activity is so bad,  my work is bad, all is bad for today.
is some people ever feel like what I feel right now??? or only me that ever feel like that.
I feel limp helpless, I feel very lazy, I feel  un happy, I have no spirit in me.
what should I do???
do I have to crying, dancing, jumping, or singing???
Ooohh no why, why, why,,, what is this that stay in my body, in my brain, in my heart???
this is really very difficult, this is  makes me really tired to walking in the moment like this, what else running on it.
I want to refuse your presence if I can to refuse it, even  I want to make you limp helpless like what I feel right now, so you couldn't come again in me.


This is life, sometimes happy, sometimes sad, sometimes laughing, even crying.
it is not fair if I wanna always be happy, because without the sadness I will never understand what the meaning of happiness and I will never feel on it.
without crying maybe I couldn't feel what is the meaning of wonderful laughing.
I have to realize that I'm not perfect people, I'm not great people, so maybe this is very usual happened in me, but really I don't know what is called/name of what I feel right now! I wanna to crying by loudly to outpouring of all this but I can't do it. but one thing I must be strong to dealing all this.


I don't want always in this condition, I must come out, I have to fighting feelings like this, I want to be hero for myself, so I can feel free, I can be happy.
I want to be winner for myself, so my spirit growing, so I  found my inspiration that has lost, so my mind filled full.
I must have confidence that I can do it,
I must have courage to throw away bad feelings and I must find again good feelings, good things that I have, I'm sure I can returns it.
I must can do it and certainly I can do it. this is that I have to do,,,!!!
one of ways is I wrote this letter, by this way I can feel a little calm, I can feel happier,  my writing is my friend to outpouring of my heart.